Friday, January 7, 2011

Yahoo News and the Future.

Sometimes, in the wee hours of the morning, having sufficiently wrung the internet dry of entertainment for the day, I'll be motivated by boredom to scan the Yahoo news articles that appear as I check my mail. Less stupid than the aim ones by far*, they still confound me just by their titles. I can't help clicking the ones I know will be stupid. Yes, mocking them is sort of like laughing at the neighbor kid who was kicked in the head as a horse as a child after he's fallen face first down a flight of stairs and is just laying there twitching, but... what was I talking about?

The offending article

This one details the things children born this year will never know. Concepts and objects that are being outdated, that won't exist in 15 years.

Some make sense. Travel Agents, the useless middleman to the internet. Fax machines, which I'm pretty sure are already dead, long ago replaced by faster and cheaper technology that not only doesn't require unique hardware, but gives you a digital copy to distribute in any way you see fit. Some of the other stuff on the list, however..
Books, Magazines, and Newspapers Magazines makes sense. They exist in an era where people were hired to have opinions, knowledge, and advice because this stuff was not freely available from any shmuck with a keyboard. The same tactics of the magazine at the checkout is replicated with the AIM news ticker. No one actively looks up Branjolina's latest feud. (Is this still a pop culture reference?) It has to be shoved in their face. Specialty magazines are worthless because if you're going to actively subscribe to/buy a magazine to get that info, wouldn't you just like to get it online for free? What the author doesn't take into account is the impulse. The crap mag will survive, because it is loud, interesting, and being shoved in our face. A whole world of information is on our smart phone, but the scoop on Lindsay Lohan's latest arrest is RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU IN BOLD OH MY GOD. Why waste time googling it when you can pay for the convenience of having the info right there for the long trainride home. Same with newspapers. If there is one thing growing in today's culture, it's the willingness to pay for convenience. For someone to think for you. There's too much news on the internet. You need to come across it in your every day life to be interested.

Part 2, BOOKS?! The author believes books will exist only as a novelty item. I'm all for embracing new technology, and not clinging to outdated mediums. (People who refuse to use computers are also the people who will refuse to exit their burning house) But books won't be replaced for three reasons. 1) They're a status symbol. People with shelves of books are impressive, and looking smart is by far more important in our current society than function. (read: Macintosh). 2) They're not being replaced by anything. Sure, there is the Kindle, but I'll get to that in #3. No, what I'm talking about is this: Have you ever seen a book on the internet? No. Visual Novels, graphic novels, sure. They take advantage of the computer. A book is something that requires commitment, and a long time reading them. People on the internet don't read anything. Ever. Too many distractions. The people likely to spend the time reading an actual book instead of an internet article, are the type to read an actual, physical book. There's no market for a book on the internet, since no one will want to read it there. That is part of the reason the Kindle is an independent device, you wont get distracted. You have to sit down and say "I'm going to read this book now. The other part is... 3) Who is going to write a book if you don't get paid? You can buy a book at a bookstore and you get one copy of the book. Buy it on the internet and you'll get a file (simplified) called Great_Gatsby.pdf. Then you pres Ctrl+c, then ctrl+v. Now there is a copy of that book. You continue this, laughing evily into your monitor. Now you upload one of those copies to the internet. Now everyone in the entire world can download that book for free. No one buys it, publisher doesn't get paid, author doesn't get paid, author gets no money.

Now of course, publishers would try and prevent this. Using special programs they can encode their e-books to either prevent file sharing, or delete themselves after a certain time. But do you really think that will stop pirates? Music piracy is easy for anyone who knows how. Software piracy is as well, and that's for thousand dollar program suites. Huge teams are devoted to preventing that, and it still happens. Can they get that kind of security for a book? There's also the question of the value of freely copyable objects. If our government invented a device that created food at no cost, infinitely, would it be right to charge money for that food? Publishers would have to charge money for an infinite resource. The fact is, publishers and authors NEED the physical media of a book in order to get paid. Relying on physical means is a theme we'll see again.

Paper Maps I don't know what utopia the author is living in, but maybe it's one where only people with smartphones and satnavs ever set foot in a car. Without a decent internet connection, your phone is going to be useless as a map. Not everyone can afford SatNav. Paper maps are already free, and I don't see reliable wifi along route 66 anytime in our future.

Dial up internet This was a cheap shot, article. Dial up is already dead. The only people who use it are people who don't need the internet, which is virtually no one already.

The Evening News Like I said before, people need information shoved in their face, or else they'll just go spend their time watching cat videos on youtube. I think the news will stay, since it is a video (way better than text!) that thinks for people, so they don't have to do any of their own research. Why won't this be replaced by the AIM news ticker? Because that will be full of the attention-getters like Kanye West's new affair. (Is this a real thing? I don't know!) They need a dedicated source for news that they won't have to think "I wanna see the news, better go to news.com". It will just be there, and on.

Film Cameras The article says film cameras will go extinct, as well as even digital cameras, being replaced by our phones. This is probably the stupidest thing on the list, from someone who obviously doesn't understand where all the pretty pictures they see come from. Has any important photograph ever been taken with an iPhone? Yes, for the average person who wouldn't buy a camera anyway, cameras will be replaced by your phone. There is a reason the people who take the pictures use cameras. That is why you are not a famous photographer!

One picture to a frame I'm going to skip this one. Won't happen by 2025, but will eventually so whatever.

Wires This is in second place for stupidity, only because not everyone will understand why it's initially stupid. Remember the book thing? How people would have to rely on something physical? Well ok, you're in your happy little home. Wireless computer beaming wireless movies wirelessly to your wireless tv while your wireless phone accesses your wireless webcam and lets you chat with your secretary wirelessly. Oh wait, what's that? Did your webcam just take your picture and upload it to your wireless internet? Did your computer just get a virus that wirelessly infects everything else in your house, wirelessly stealing your wireless bank info from your wireless fridge or whatever? It pornography being wirelessly beamed to your kid's TV? All because you opened that one trojan email on your laptop. Now everything in your damn house is fucked up. Physical boundaries keep that from happening. Your TV not talking to your computer does that. "That's not possible." you say. Oh yes it is. Watch this video of some guys explaining how they just hacked the PS3 to do whatever the fuck they want. Did you understand one sentence in that whole thing? That's how helpless to do anything you'll be once people start writing viruses and exploits to affect your shit wirelessly. And by god they will. People create viruses to fuck shit up, and the temptation is too great when you can buttfuck everything someone owns at once.
People say Macs don't get viruses, but that's simply not true. People don't bother writing viruses for macs because a) in the past, no one had them. And b) mac operates entirely differently from other OS's, specifically to be different. This makes it incompatible with just about anything Apple doesn't specifically convert to it's code. Now that the number of people with macs increased, however, viruses are being created. They're nowhere near as numerous as Windows targeted viruses since its still a huge pain to get past the Steve-Jobs-Seal-of-I-Have-To-Approve-of-Anything-that-Goes-on-Here, but they can be made. The same thing will happen with your wireless gadgets. The more people use them, the more people will go through the trouble of creating ways to fuck them up. Only the point of this wireless business is for everything to be compatible and talk to each other, and since mac doesn't do so well on the whole compatibility thing, you'll be using windows or linux or something that the world accepts as the general runtime language, which means it's easy to hack, which means you are royally screwed. So basically, the only thing keeping you safe is the fact that your computer is your computer, your phone your phone, and tv your tv. And if god forbid they ever become connected, you can rip that shit apart again without clicking your wifi option!

Commercials on TV Tired after writing that last one. Let's just say that people hate video ads more than anything. But people aren't nearly as invested as what they're watching on TV as what they specifically typed into the internet to watch. TV shows will bump all ads to in between shows to make you finish the show, but can't get rid of them all together. That's how they get money to make the shows in the first place, you stupid, stupid article writer.

OK I'm done ranting about this article. Hopefully next time I post it'll be my predictions of what the near future holds.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Change of Pace

The hell with reviewing animations, I have opinions about everything, and they must be imposed upon you! Time for me to review everything!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Review: Millenium Actress



After reviewing the lowest and crudest of animations, I needed something to reaffirm my love for animation and filmmaking. For that I turned to one of my favorite directors, the late Satoshi Kon. Kon is responsible for some of the most creative feats of storytelling in recent memory, most of which deal with altered perceptions of reality. The man is responsible for my all time favorite movie, Paprika, which takes a visually stunning journey through dreams as they merge with reality. He created Paranoia Agent, a surreal and horrifying trip through the psyche of the population as they deal with a string of assaults. He told the story of Perfect Blue which follows a young idol as she is slowly driven to the brink of madness by a stalker, her world literally crumbling around her. I haven't seen Tokyo Godfathers yet, but it is next on my list. I am absolutely in love with Kon's movies and how they play with the viewer's understanding of reality in such a visually magnificent way. The bar was high.



The movie deals with a director Genya Tachibana and his jaded cameraman as they conduct an interview with and elderly famed actress (and Genya's hero) Chiyoko Fujiwara. As she recounts the events of her life, the two interviewers find themselves taking part in the events as they are told, filming Chiyo as a child in 1930 when she has a fateful encounter with a painter on the run from the fascist government. He gives her a key "to the most important thing in the world" but flees to elude capture. Chiyoko is determined to meet him once more, and accepts a role in a film set in Manchuria, based on a rumor that he may be there. She begins her acting career, forever trailing the mysterious man in the hopes of returning the key. As the film progresses, Chiyoko's story is interwoven with that of the movies she stars in. Her quest to return the key is told indirectly, with her movie plots serving to advance the story of Chiyoko's life. She goes through noir dramas, samurai battles, and World War Two as the line between her movies and real life is blurred, twisted, and broken. All the while Genya follows her, helping her at every turn as different characters in the movies he watched growing up that he always wanted to be in.



When watching Millennium Actress, the first thing that hits you are the colors. Paprika was an explosion of bright and fantastic colors that really sold the viewer on the dream motif. Millennium Actress takes the opposite route, with a dulled pallet that immediately harkens to the early days of cinema. Each movie has such a rich tone to it that one will never get bored of simply admiring the scenery. The mood is spot on, with the atmosphere lending itself well to a personal story set in 1930-50 Japan. I was surprised that one of the strongest parts of the movie were the costumes. For an animation to pay such attention to making such beautiful clothing for each type of movie is utterly fantastic, and is something that I have not seen in any other movie. Many times while watching I was tempted to pause and just look at the screen, as every shot was layed out spectacularly, and I could stare at the costumes and colors all day.



Of course I didn't pause, because I was far too engrossed in the animation and story. The movement of the characters is off the charts, trumping even Miyazaki's work at points by a long shot. The film features many dynamic running scenes as Chiyoko chases the man between movie genres. Each one is beautiful, and special attention was given to the movement of hair as characters ran, making it look realistic in a way I have never seen before. A drawer or illustrator shows material by how it reacts with light, using shadows to give it weight and texture. In animation, it is impossible to put that amount of detail into every frame, so the only way to tell the audience what type of material something is made of is by how it moves. Kon's mastery of animation made it easy to tell that this coat was made of leather, while this was made of thin, slippery cloth. Even the key, hung around Chiyoko's neck, bounced with astounding realism as she ran. I don't hesitate to say that this film is a triumph in animation.



Millennium Actress excels in so many ways, I won't even bother nitpicking for flaws to list. I don't want to do anything to dissuade you from seeing this movie. An amazing story that is easy to connect which leads to an emotionally thrilling climax. A brilliant visual style that creates unique atmospheres every 20 minutes that I could spend a lifetime in. Satoshi Kon's signature of tweaking one's perception of reality in an intelligent and fascinating way. There is no reason not to see this movie. It is something that I know I will be watching again and again.



Millennium Actress: 9.5/10

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Review: Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt

Oh yeah, this place exists.

It's fall, and that means a new season of anime starting in Japan. This, of course, is bad news for me since anime is mostly a painful experience. However, every so often there is a gem hidden in the deluge of shit, and the only way to find it is to jump into the pile headfirst. This is how I found Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.

Like finding a needle in a haystack that will give you herpes.

The subtley named Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt is the newest production from famed studio Gianax, responsible for some of the most visually fantastic and over-the-top-awesome animes out there, including FLCL and Gurren Lagann. My hopes were high for this new series. First thing I saw was the art style. Distinctly American, I was immediately excited by its similarity to Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack, which blazed a trail with their unique art style.

America!

The show follows two fallen angels, Panty and Stocking on their quest to defeat evil ghosts and earn their way back to heaven. A more accurate description would be: Panty and Stocking hit stuff with their car, pose suggestively, and sometimes there are ghosts. The show revolves entirely around a single sex joke that is played out for the entire episode, and then at the end something blows up. And these aren't your run of the mill sex jokes- oh no. The third episode dealt entirely with the disappearance of tissues from the world, meaning men were unable to masturbate. The cause? Ghosts of the dead sperm destroyed the tissues as revenge. It included an extended sequence of a D-day like siege of sperm on vagina hill, and naturally ended with the two characters drenched in semen. I determined that I must be watching some sort of hardcore porn, only someone had painstakingly gone in and drawn clothes over all the characters.
The more I watched, the more strange things they seemed to focus on. Aside from paying special attention to sex, the show also gives us an episode on poop and makes a desperate attempt to include black people in it. Cheerleaders and football players, explosions, sex, a gay black man with an afro, and title cards that parodied movies like Fight Club and Pulp Fiction. I slowly began to realize. "Oh my god, this is what Japan thinks America wants to see." Indeed, the cartoon drawing styles and constant use of english phrases confirmed it. This show was aimed straight at America. What. I don't even. ugh.
Don't get me wrong. The show has some redeeming points. The music is a cool electro-club mix that suits the action well, and Gianax's animation talents are not wasted with some truly fantastic sequences.

This picture is indeed as awesome as it appears.

Even then, something terrible will come along and ruin the coolness. The animation direction is so schizophrenic watching it becomes a chore. Shots are often poorly planned out and leave your eye searching for a focal point in the chaos, a problem worsened by the bright colors and fast cuts. Every so often the style will change for comedic effect to a cutesy big headed version with so few frames actually drawn that the illusion of motion is completely ruined and your eyes strain to keep up. PaSwG is in general absolutely painful to watch, but at the same time I'm compelled to keep watching- a point which I think is perfectly illustrated in this clip, where the overly anime and awkward striptease begins, and just when I'm about to turn it off because I can't watch anymore, the style returns to that of a cartoon and the animation quality goes up tenfold.
WATCH HERE
Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt: 1 out of 5

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm not dreaming (8/12)

I have lots of dreams about cars in water. I don't know why, but more times than I can count, I'm in a car with someone, we're racing across a collapsing bridge, falling off a cliff, or just feeling like driving into a fucking lake. One way or another, we wind up in the water. Sometimes we make it to the bottom and have to figure out a way to the surface which is so far away we'd need auxiliary air, sometimes we bail from the car right on impact. I've had so many of these dreams that I managed to recognize the scenario as a dream while dreaming.
So my dream starts as I'm driving with 2 friends I had just hung out with that day in real life. The driver seemed angry, and I was sitting shotgun wondering why he was so irritated. We were off-roading through the woods, a forest of tall, thin pine trees with a ground that was painted a beautiful orange. After a minute of driving, we arrive at a lake. Seeing this, the driver floored the pedal and we went careening into the lake, where the car began to sink. I sighed, used to being in sinking cars and realized that I must be dreaming. I slapped myself a few times, then realizing it hurt decided that I must not be dreaming (also blowing my chance at a free lucid dream. Damn.). The car somehow drove across the lake, half submerged, of course me still thinking that all this was real. We arrived on a highway surrounded by gorgeous cliffs and rock formations. We decided to keep a look out for cops, since they would give us a ticket for driving across a lake. Aaaand that's where the dream ended, leaving me to wake up with a splitting headache. Weird.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Review: Toy Story 3

By now it's no secret that the folks weave dreams for your enjoyment. In the 15 they've been releasing movies, not one of them has been bad. They have pioneered both the narrative and technical world of movie making using technologies and stories far beyond their time. Movies like Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Wall-E, and Up have topped the box office and captured the hearts of audiences worldwide. Needless to say they have quite the reputation to live up to.
I'll get this right out of the way, Toy Story 3 does not disappoint. It manages to cater to everyone, and has moments that will have both adults and children laughing together.

Toy Story 3 follows Woody, Buzz, Jessie, and a group of other returning toys, their numbers dwindling after various yardsales and whatnot. Andy, the toy's loving owner in the last 2 movies, has grown up and is about to depart for college. His toys hold their heads high and accept their new role- storage in the attic, waiting for Andy when he needs them. As the moveout begins, there is a terrible mixup and the toys nearly get thrown out. Woody is the only one aware of the mistake and tries to convince the others that Andy still wants them, but has no luck. The group winds up hiding in a donation box for the local day care, where they can at least brighten other children's lives. Everyone is happy about this turn of events except for Woody, who remains fiercely loyal to Andy.

The writing in the film is executed expertly, giving life to each and every character. The voice talent is fantastic in turning the toys into living breathing characters that you will care about. The animation and visuals are spectacular as always, technology finally able to create the playful, cluttered, colorful world that living toys would exist in. The animation direction is spectacular. Toys feel like they're being played with, moved by invisible hands all the time. Their movements during action scenes are quick and jerky in a good way, exactly how a child would move the limbs of a toy. When they run, their legs flail as if they were ragdolls being moved by a higher force, which is just what they are. Lighting in the film plays a bigger role than in any other Pixar movie. When Woody's face is illuminated by the pale green of a light above a dumpster just before dawn, you will realize how out of their environment the toys are, how far from home.

Two triumphs of animation are Ken, Barbie's love interest who totally steals the show with his stiff, jointless walking and hilarious dialogue. The other, a little girl named Bonnie, plays a small part but her animation makes her so adorable you will want to give her a hug right then and there (probably the only reason to see the movie in 3D)

The story deals with abandonment, loyalty, lingering feelings, growing up, moving on, letting go, and in true Pixar style will leave you choked up remembering the fond childhood memories you have. While it doesn't have the magic of Up or Wall-E, it is the perfect ending to the Toy Story series, and recommended to anyone with an inner child, or an outer one.

4/5 stars.

(Unfortunately I was unmoved. Angel Boats completely destroyed my ability to love anything else.)

Monday, June 28, 2010

Review: Angel Beats!

Anime, completed series, 13 episodes

Rarely do I find anything on TV that can make me laugh with legitimate humor, engross me with a unique visual style, and make me cry on 3 separate occasions. Angel Beats! (Angel Boats after this point, since boats sounds better) is a masterwork than incorporates several different genres without overwhelming itself.

Otanashi awakes one night outside a large school with no memory of who he is or how he got there, watching as a schoolgirl aims a sniper rifle at a strange white haired girl, some ways away. When the sniper, Yuri, tries to recruit him into an "afterlife battlefront," he decides that he may have better luck reasoning with someone who doesn't aim guns at other girls. He tries to talk with the silent and robotic white haired girl, or "Angel" as Yuri calls her. She tells him that this is the afterlife, and when he asks for proof, she promptly stabs him through the heart. Otonashi wakes up the next day, entirely fine, but his shirt still ripped and bloody. He once again meets Yuri, along with a big cast of characters who can't agree on a name other than the "afterlife battlefront" to call their group.

The plot follows Otonashi and the other members of the battlefront, who are waging war in a world where wounds and death are cured the next day, against the mysterious Angel. While things seem serious at first, Yuri explains that by following the rules (attending class, etc) will make you disappear forever, probably to be reincarnated as a barnacle. Therefore, the battlefront basically causes chaos as best they can in a world filled with unresponsive dummy classmates to simulate a real school. While this seems like a trivial plot, what really makes the series shine is the excellent writing and execution of characters and animation.

While most of the battlefront is easily forgettable (except for the most important characters and TK, a hip dancing guy who spouts engrish like a DDR machine) they all play a part in making the world seem alive. Someone is always moving in a group shot, and while this may seem like an obvious choice, it is a breath of fresh air to anyone used to limited animation. The production values are high and well utilized, evidenced especially in the first episode where a concert is expertly rendered with beautiful flowing animation and colors. Dramatic parts are emphasized by intense lighting usually only seen in feature length films. The quality never goes down either, making every episode as visually pleasing as the last.

As the plot unfolds it deftly intertwines comedy, tragedy, and action. We start to learn of the horrific circumstances under which each character died before arriving in the afterlife; each is fantastically hear-wrenching without ever going overboard or seeming to try too hard. The writing is keenly aware of itself and strikes a perfect balance of emotion and realism. Characters who at first seemed important but turned bland were written as growing more emotionally distant from Otonashi, just as the audience grows more distant to them. Angel Boats flawlessly guides your thoughts and feelings just the way it wants you to, making you think that it's just you that started disliking this character and liking that one when it is really a carefully crafted plan to get you to feel that way. It not only does this in its tragic and dramatic moments, but in the comedy where it creates such a good dynamic between characters that you can't help but like everyone Otonashi likes.

Angel Boats is not without flaws. I have trouble recommending it to someone who doesn't watch anime because at first glance it seems to be so terribly steeped in anime cliche. The drawings are the only thing that slips into this style, however, as everything else takes a delightfully original direction. Yuri is a direct rip-off of Haruhi Suzumiya (titular character from a far less creative and original show) but even then the writers seem aware of this and slowly downplay her role. The soundtrack is woefully lacking, but the music it does have is decent in it's own respect.

Overall, I have no choice but to recommend Angel Beats! to every man woman and child that I meet. The writing is crisp, the atmosphere is masterfully manipulated, and the animation doesn't skimp. Best of all at 13 episodes it doesn't overstay its welcome and leaves you both satisfied and craving more. I urge you to look past the style it is drawn in and try watching it. It takes everything bad you've heard about anime, puts it in a sleeper hold, and blazes a trail.

New favorite series.
5/5 stars

(No really, episode 4, 7:00 in. Watch as it literally takes everything terrible about Japan and chokes it.)